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I’m tired of feeling resentment and getting disappointed. My expectations have already been lowered. Is it necessary to expect nothing and be ‘surprised’ by anything that you happen to do? Most of the time, things don’t happen. Honestly? I’ve don’t believe you when you say something. They don’t mean as much anymore. Instead, I feel this doubt and my reaction is “Yeah..we’ll see..” because I know better. I know to brace myself for the chance of it NOT happening even though I want and hope for it to. Intention matters. But when you say things aloud, the actions end up being what matters. I can’t see into your heart, but I can see what happens or doesn’t happen in real life. Circumstances come in the way, understandable. But I have to remind you or tell you that you’ve left me hanging. That’s not cool..not after so many previous conversations about the same thing. Do I focus in on certain times when I type this? Yes. Because there shouldn’t even be any more times for me to zone in on. All the talk about how things are normal, how things are good? Yeah, they are. On your end. You come and go as you please. You don’t care if you have to wait. You’re busy anyway. But guess what? Even friendship requires time.

I want to say, “F— this sh–” so badly.
Completely unrealistic and ungrateful move, I know.

Let me live in this nonexistent world.
Forget the responsibilities and priorities.
I suck at them anyway.

Well, that’s not a solution, is it?
I need motivation. Or panic.
Something to kick me to go.

“It’s never too late to be who you might have been.”-George Elliot.
Let’s try that. Take that first step. Come on, get your sh– together already.

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