Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

  • manage time wisely for midterms and assignments
  • do well on midterms and assignments
  • exercise at least 3 times a wk, at least one full workout out of the 3
  • drink more water
  • take time to slow down once in a while

Why?

  • I don’t want to be too stressed out with academics AND social activities in October
  • I want to maintain good grades and good habits
  • I want to be healthier and take better care of myself
  • It is a good reminder to stop and take a breather instead of always rushing to do the next thing

 

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“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”
-Lance Armstrong

Take a chance and go with it.
Do what’s best for you.
No second guessing.
Decide and do.
Things will turn out good in the end.
No matter what, always will.
Come on, I know you can.
What are you waiting for?
No more waiting. Go ahead.

Just stop it. Shut up.
Stay somewhere. Stop moving back and forth.
You’re a fool. Stuck in the middle looking both ways.
You don’t like it there so get out.
Make up your mind and just stick with it.
Erase the gray and find the absolute.
Forget the multiples. Focus on one.
Can you do that? Well, you need to.

 

Ever wonder why there seems to be relapses when there’s a breakthrough?
I’m one of those people that has relapses.

I have that time where things are okay for a while,
then it’s like someone swapped my emotions for the complete opposite.
After that, I’ll make some progress or new realization and I’ll be OK.
Then I get thrown something else again.

Perhaps it’s normal to go through these motions before things are really OK..
Self realizations and inner peace aren’t the easiest things to come by..

I want to speak candidly about how I’m doing, but I’m afraid of that complete honesty with myself.
As if suppressing it will help me instead.

I feel like a teenager throughout this process.  I just don’t really know how to go about this.
I’m not exactly thinking logically; it just doesn’t work sometimes

I go in circles in my head and that leads me to go in circles with you.
Conflicting thoughts result in confusing actions.
I get confused in my interpretations and blur the lines of what’s ok and what’s not.

I miss you. I miss being her.
But I don’t miss the anxiety or the hurt.
This is better for the long run..
But I still have trouble reminding myself of that.
Sometimes I get it and I’m okay.
Other times, I don’t and I’m not okay.
I get confused. I don’t always get where you’re coming from.
I get thrown off and sometimes even mad.
Like why are you doing this? Why are you making it harder to move on?
But at the same time, that’s how I know I still matter.
You pay attention to me so I matter.
I still get this feeling of hope like there’ll be this big AHA moment
Things will just be good, things will change.
But I feel foolish thinking that because I know it won’t.
Whenever I run into old messages or letters, it feels like breaking up all over again.
I can’t get over this feeling of failure like where did it go wrong? What happened?
So I stick to trying to move on but all the while, I’m also trying to hold on.
That doesn’t work. It never will.
But I wonder of the right way to go about this.
To lessen the impact. To ease the relapses.

 

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

The world around me has the biggest impact on me.
When I was younger, it was definitely my inner circle that had the biggest impact on me, but as I grow and learn, I reach out further than just what is around and familiar to me. I’ve attended lectures, performances, movie screenings, talks. I’ve read blogs, articles, stories, books from people. I’ve watched movies and shows. I’ve listened to interviews and people’s stories. Furthermore, there are so many things that impact me without my conscious knowledge, I think it’s only fair to include what I may not directly interact with. Everything is connected. Everything has an impact. Whether it is the world closest/most well-known to me or the world at large, my behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs are shaped by all of it.

I’m tired of feeling resentment and getting disappointed. My expectations have already been lowered. Is it necessary to expect nothing and be ‘surprised’ by anything that you happen to do? Most of the time, things don’t happen. Honestly? I’ve don’t believe you when you say something. They don’t mean as much anymore. Instead, I feel this doubt and my reaction is “Yeah..we’ll see..” because I know better. I know to brace myself for the chance of it NOT happening even though I want and hope for it to. Intention matters. But when you say things aloud, the actions end up being what matters. I can’t see into your heart, but I can see what happens or doesn’t happen in real life. Circumstances come in the way, understandable. But I have to remind you or tell you that you’ve left me hanging. That’s not cool..not after so many previous conversations about the same thing. Do I focus in on certain times when I type this? Yes. Because there shouldn’t even be any more times for me to zone in on. All the talk about how things are normal, how things are good? Yeah, they are. On your end. You come and go as you please. You don’t care if you have to wait. You’re busy anyway. But guess what? Even friendship requires time.

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